dmjewelle: (Lelouch)
[personal profile] dmjewelle
Shortly after I attended a Miyavi concert, I suffered neck and wrist pain from headbanging too much ([livejournal.com profile] lady_sb calls it Post-Live Syndrome). On Friday I went to see the doctor to ask for some cream to put on the neck. The current staff health doctor is an old lady (for context), so after waiting for an hour to see her:

Me: I have a stiff neck from-
Dr: *looks at file* Do you get this often?
Me: Eh? Well, only when I don't get much sle-
Dr: Do you use a computer often?
Me: -well, I guess so-
Dr: I'm sending you to do an xray to rule out cervical spondylosis. Do it now!

This is all well and good because the last doctor I saw wouldn't let me do an xray, but then:


Dr: When was your last period?
Me: Last month, it's due a few days from now-
Dr: Is it delayed?
Me: It usually is-
Dr: YOU DO A PREGNANCY TEST NOW, DON'T DO XRAY TILL YOU'VE DONE IT GO GO GO
Me: ...Well my period is always overdue a few days, I'm sure I'm not pregnan-
Dr: (paraphrasing) ONCE A LADY SAID THAT. SHE HAD AN XRAY. HER BABY IS NOW WOLVERINE.
Me: I'm VERY sure I cannot possibly make a mutant baby!
Dr: HOW DO YOU KNOW?
Me: I've never had sex, so of course I can't make babies!
Dr: .....................oh. Oh! OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY.
Me: rofl
Dr: So you have no boyfriend? No live-in partner? Not having "that sort of lifestyle"?
Me: Nope. (foreveralone starting...now)
Dr: I have to ask because these days everyone's like the Australians, cohabiting and then sleeping together and OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY DID I OFFEND YOU I AM SORRY
Me: ROFL no it's ok I go do xray now.

So I went to do the xray and of course all the radiographers today have to be guys right. Since I'm xraying my neck I have to remove my top and wear a gown, but OF COURSE you give a person having a stiff neck the gown where you tie from the back, AND the changing room HAS to have a broken lock RIGHT.

Xray guy: *opens door* Miss are you ready-
Me: *turns around* O HAY THERE can you help me tie my gown I'm having trouble.
Xray guy: OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY I GO GET A NURSE NOW
Me: ...rofl

So after an amused nurse ties me up and I get the xray done, I return to the doctor at 2 (Staff Health only opens at certain hours) and wait for another hour before:

Dr: So we've done everything and I can safely say your neck is just having a muscle spasm, have 3 types of muscle relaxants!
Me: (That was what I was trying to tell you)
Dr: Are you having any work stress?
Me: There's my boss-
Dr: You're from Laboratory, right? Yeah, your boss is a dick.

Then she starts rambling about the world economy. I'm beginning to see why everyone takes so long when they see her.

When I told my colleagues the whole story, they asked me why do these things happen only to me, and I think it's just how my life has to be one epic joke.

Indeed.

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