dmjewelle: (D8)
I was passing by the pantry and saw Ko in a polo t-shirt.

Me: ...you've grown moobs.
Ko: Yay, now I can play with my own boobs instead of someone else's! *jiggles chest*
dmjewelle: (D8)

(Teh Boyz are a group of junior MLTs between 25-27 who do and say the oddest things. They are very amusing.)

Here is a dialogue-heavy story. )


dmjewelle: (D8)
Long story short:

A patient gave three bottles of semen for analysis because the nurse collecting the sample thought you collected semen (average 1-5 mls) like urine (minimum 10 mls), and told the patient, "NOT ENOUGH, MAKE MORE."

Worst of all, we received it 2 hours after collection time so the results would be inaccurate, and that's not counting how long the guy took to GIVE that much.

Basically, we can't use it anymore. This guy's unborn children died for nothing.

Much lulz were had.
dmjewelle: (Lelouch)
Shortly after I attended a Miyavi concert, I suffered neck and wrist pain from headbanging too much ([livejournal.com profile] lady_sb calls it Post-Live Syndrome). On Friday I went to see the doctor to ask for some cream to put on the neck. The current staff health doctor is an old lady (for context), so after waiting for an hour to see her:

Me: I have a stiff neck from-
Dr: *looks at file* Do you get this often?
Me: Eh? Well, only when I don't get much sle-
Dr: Do you use a computer often?
Me: -well, I guess so-
Dr: I'm sending you to do an xray to rule out cervical spondylosis. Do it now!

This is all well and good because the last doctor I saw wouldn't let me do an xray, but then:

But then indeed! )
dmjewelle: (D8)
So a nurse calls me up.

Nurse: May I speak to Sujatha?
(Sujatha is the person who's been at the Special Chemistry bench for 7 years - she left to be a Clinical Instructor).
Me: Sujatha doesn't work here anymore-
Nurse: Ehh? Where is she working now? Is she at the main chemistry bench? Did she transfer to AD? When did she leave? Where's she working now? What's she working as? Who took over her job? How long-
Me: -*What* are you *calling* for?
Nurse: Oh! We're sending a sample for drug testing, please prepare the machine~
Me: Okay-
Nurse: Now let's talk more about Sujatha! 8D
Me: ...
dmjewelle: (Nose Band Guy!)
I'm no good at making life updates because I've always felt that some things are better off being told in person.

But after telling the same story five times in a row, something needs to be done.

In here be piccies of life. Very boring. )

And that's my life update for this part of the year. We hope you enjoyed it!
dmjewelle: (AAAAAAA)
The following ridiculosities occurred between 9 AM and 6 PM today:

1. Heart bypass patients bring their own donors on the day of the operation as the doctor prefers freshly donated blood. Today one patient's family requested the patient be transfused with blood donated by an 'Eric' (name changed) and NOBODY ELSE'S because they did not know who were the other donors they brought in (presumably friends of friends or something). Why they didn't just restrict the donors to immediate friends and family is anyone's guess.

2. A doctor told a patient:
"I am going to get the lab to match some blood for you in case you need a transfusion. If you don't need any, then the cost of the unused blood bags will be refunded to you."
Today the patient came to collect the money.
I don't CARE if you're Dr Black Jack, stop requesting blood transfusions like lottery tickets then tell inconvenient lies just to save your ass.


I will bet you money tomorrow will be more of the same.
dmjewelle: (*grin*)
New work policy requires executives to create their own scorecard for key performance indicators (KPI) using the company portal. My colleagues being procrastinators (who also type rather slowly), they've only started creating it today despite the deadline on the 31st.

So at 5 PM there's Chew in Haematology typing slow and steadily.

And then there's half-blind half-crippled Azmi in Serology typing away on two fingers, hunched at the keyboard and squinting at the monitor with old-man glasses.


SUDDENLY THERE WAS A COMPETITION!! FASTEST TYPIST TAKES IT ALL!!! (I swear they started it all on their own. I had nothing to do with it.)


Sujatha at Chem goes "OK SALMAN JV YOU BE CHEERLEADERS!!!" and Salman (also of Chemistry) distracts Chew while I go help Azmi clear up since he clocks out at 5.30; You kinda feel sorry for a midlife-crisis sufferer after a while. I inform Pearl & Mariyamah (Of Micro/Sero) of this development, and they are only mildly amused.

Mariyamah: So is this like the hare and the tortoise except both sides are tortoises?
Me: I dunno, Azmi seems to be calling himself a duck.


At 5.40 Azmi wins! FIST PUMP YO.


Chew blames me asking her about a clotted blood sample and flips stuff around the table, and says "I'M NOT FRIENDING YOU FOR A WEEK! A WEEEEEEEK!"

Me: But Azmi leaves at 5.30, you leave at 6. Technically you won.
Chew: It's not about the time, it's the pride! MY PRIDE!!!
Me: Come to think of it Azmi IS half-blind and sickly...you just lost to a massive handicap.
Chew: I KNOW SHUT UP.


The sad part about all this epicry is that there are no pictures whatsoever. That'll teach me. :(
dmjewelle: (AAAAAAA)
Last night during night call, I had the following conversation with a nurse:

Nurse: May I know your name?
Me: JV
Nurse: *Devi*? Ooo Akka [Starts speaking in TAMIL]
Me: I AM NOT INDIAN. =__=


Another time while connecting my call, a phone operator tried to hit on me:

Op: Ooo JV you say? That's a unique Indian name. Can you speak Tamil?
Me: No. I'm not Indian.
Op: Oh? Are you Chindian?
Me: No I'm CHINESE.
Op: [Stops talking IMMEDIATELY and connects my call]


But the convo that takes the cake has to be another nurse some time back:

Nurse: May I know your name?
Me: JV
Nurse: ...Daisy?
Me: JV
Nurse: ...Devi?
Me: J. V.
Nurse: .....Julie?
Me: JV
Nurse: ...Jessie?
Me: Jaaaaaaaaaay Veeeeeeeeeeeee
Nurse: ...Jenny?
Me: Oh dear god.
Nurse: Why don't you spell it out?
Me: Japan. Vietnam.
Nurse: Oooohhh, you should've told me your real name lah-
Me: THAT IS MY REAL NAME. =___=
Nurse: ohhhh LOL.


So you know what I think I'm gonna give me a Japanese name since everyone at the lab says I'm the token (pseudo) Japanese girl. Anybody got any suggestions? =___=
dmjewelle: (AAAAAAA)
Which isn't good given how crappy the world is at the moment, but sometimes I just need to get angry.

The following is an educational post about how to ensure a smooth ride when you have to go for a blood test. I'm wondering whether to crosspost it to Facebook.

It may be slightly vitriolic, but nothing you haven't seen or heard before. )

And with that, I hope someone learns something out of this and stops making our lives hell. Then maybe everyone'll be happy and I'll be less misanthropic.

Haha you wish.
dmjewelle: (Feel like crap)
The hospital has to operate like a normal working day because it's too late to cancel any appointments made.

My boss is going "You can take your replacement leave any day by the end of January....except every day because OH MY GOD WE'RE ALWAYS SHORT OF STAFF."


I really, really, really, really, really, really, really want SARS to come back tomorrow to make it worth my time.
dmjewelle: (AAAAAAA)
I can't remember at what point my colleagues discovered I cosplay (might be the leave I take during CF, I dunno), but I always feel like I disappoint them greatly when I confess my cosplays aren't as mind-blowingly epic as what they're used to seeing (like pictures in newspapers, CF pics, etc). However it *is* nice that some of them do take a mild interest and ask me what am I cosplaying this year, or why are some people so god damn epic, or whether I have sexy friends (remember the assholic perv? Yeah. =____= He's also a god damn ungrateful fatass potato. But let's think of better things).

So anyway I was talking to Pearl about my weekend (which involved ridiculously cheap Stage cosmetics) and packing for CF and all.

Pearl: So how's your cosplay coming along?
me: It's pretty much ready, but my wig's not here yet-
Pearl: D8
me: But it's ok, a friend loaned me her wig as backup, so all is not lost! ^^b
Pearl: D8
me: It's ok, really! ^^;
Pearl: You're cosplaying a male character, right? What do you do with your boobs, bind them? It must be uncomfortable!
me: Well these days we have these nice comfy chest binders, they've got elastic that pushes the breasts back so while it's tight it's still comfortable and I can breathe just fine. ^^
Pearl: D8
me: It's a step up from the good old days of bandages and sports tape!
Pearl: You guys are MASOCHISTS. DDDDDD8

I never even thought about it that way! O_O

5 Days to CF!
dmjewelle: (<3)
Today I went to work like normal because a fortuneteller said I didn't need to celebrate it.

In the evening Mna interrupted a conversation I was having with a junior, dragged me off and said, "MY FIANCEE AND I ARE HAVING PROBLEMS AND I WANT YOUR ADVICE IN THE PANTRY".

I opened the door and found seven people singing happy birthday in the dark.







A SURPRISE PARTY


I GOT A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY CAKE BY PEOPLE I NEVER EXPECTED TO THROW ONE


I CRIED LIKE A MOFO AND THEY TOOK A BLACKMAIL PIC BUT WHO CARES


I GOT A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY


THEY COULDN'T BELIEVE I'D NEVER HAD A SURPRISE PARTY BEFORE


THEY TOLD ME TO MAKE A WISH BUT I FELT I GOT A WISH GRANTED


I WAS SO OVERWHELMED I FORGOT TO TAKE A PIC OF THE CAKE UNTIL IT WAS HALFWAY DONE SO HERE YOU GO


BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER.



Oh, and I'm officially 24 for the next 3 years now.
dmjewelle: (Kozue Magnet)
EVERY time I'm sent to take blood from patients, one of two things inevitably occur:

1. Chinese patients start talking to me in chinese.
2. Non-chinese patients ask me about my race.

Remembering the fact while I do understand some chinese I'd be better off communicating in a language I can actually speak, this poses a problem when I do understand what they want but have no way to answer their question. I decide to go with the option of least resistance and speak in malay which causes massive alarm to spread all over their faces and go "sori sori, ingat lu orang Cina". (sorry, I thought you were Chinese)

Shortly after they'll ask if I'm REALLY not Chinese; I never give them the satisfaction of knowing. I just say "aaa", nod, and finish up.

(the reason for this is because I have gotten into massive debates with people on why it should be MANDATORY for me to learn mandarin and I AM NOT A TRUE CHINESE and I say screw you my family has not spoken mandarin for THREE GENERATIONS so I'm not interested in pursuing that dumbass argument UNLESS you can convince me there is a book on the secret to badassery written entirely in chinese.)

One lady went the extra mile and immediately assumed I'm Sabahan AND Kadazan (because Kadazans are like. So fair. Totally unlike my ACTUAL Kadazan-Chinese colleague who's two shades darker than me). So not only am I not Chinese because I don't speak any Chinese dialects, I'm now an ENTIRELY different ethnicity with a whole new hometown. That's just awesome.

Somewhere out there are a ton of people telling their friends about the lady who took their blood who they SWEAR looked chinese but really wasn't because...she didn't speak chinese! I kinda crack up thinking about that.

Times like this I feel like picking up Korean.

*****

Patients of a different race obviously don't have that language assumption so their alarm bells start ringing when I talk to them in english/malay. Years of speaking nothing but malay has left me speaking like a native malay, and this confuses them greatly.

Once two Malay guys were hellbent on figuring out my race because "I look Chinese, talk like a Malay, but my hair looks like a foreigner's" (my hair had blonde streaks at that time). Recently I told a patient these days Chinese people look Malay and vice versa and he inclined to agree and that closed the topic.

Once a man (in a gurney no less!) asked if I was CHINDIAN because I didn't have the chinese-accented english he was accustomed to. This is not the first time - I've been asked this in uni before.

me: You don't sound like a pure Indian yourself...
him: Actually yeah, I'm Indian-Portugese.
me: So english was your first language I presume?
him: ...so you're mixed?
me: ...I don't think that's solely the domain of the mixed-blood.

And that was that.


*****

Maybe because I work so closely with people (HOW UNLIKE A MISANTHROPE WTF IS THIS SH*T) I notice that for all the unity and harmony Malaysians strive for, we have stereotypes because we see so often it's the norm. Chinese people MUST speak chinese and if they speak any other ranguage we must have that chineeees-accent [/russell peters] no matter what, and god help them if some anomaly comes along. Even if we come to terms with May 13 or revamp the Constitution or WHATEVER, we'll always have these preconceived notions because there are so many things that prove this is the stereotype, this is WHY it's a stereotype; no amount of social reconditioning will change that because it's ingrained so deeply in our daily lives. Sure you can accept Ah Kong's way of life, but it won't stop you from wondering why he speaks fluent Norwegian the first time he does it.

But dayamn I love screwing with people's heads. <3
dmjewelle: (Default)
Since the line between what's confidential information and what's normal work bitchery about has been smudged to an unrecognizable blur, the majority of my work-related entries will now be friends-locked.

Comment if you want to be added.
dmjewelle: (<3)
One day I saw this article about nominating a single mother for a one week trip to London & Paris and a contest form.

I have a colleague who's a single mother.

She had just told me about how she wanted to go to London but couldn't because she couldn't afford it, and even though her mother insisted on paying for the tickets, she didn't want to keep depending on the charity of her parents, and how she'd love to be able to go.

So I pushed my luck. The contest requires a short essay on why the single mother I nominate deserves the prize. That's not easy you know - all single mothers deserve a holiday! So I machinegunned 300 words in 24 hours (because you know how last-minute I am!) and sent in my entry just before the weekend to make sure it'd reach; It was snail mail after all.

Today I got a phone call.

I won consolation prize. My colleague's gonna get vouchers mailed to her.

Azmi: So what's the grand prize?
Me: Trip to London!
Azmi: So consolation means they'll drop her off at the highway and watch the plane take off? XD
Me: ROFL XDXDXD

Some colleagues asked me what do I get, and frankly. I'm not sure at all. Sure the form said I get a MYSTERY PRIZE, but it doesn't matter.

I made someone else's day using an ability I actually had. I have never been happier.

And for those who care, this is what I wrote. )
dmjewelle: (awesome)
8.30 AM:
Me: G'morning~
Mna: G'mor-IS THAT SOMETHING ON YOUR EYES LET ME TAKE A LOOK 8DDDDDDD
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
*get chased around lab*

9.00 AM:
Mna stares at me and goes *_______*
me: ....
Mna: I LOVE YOUR EYES <3 X3X3X3

10.00 AM:
Mna: TAKE OFF YOUR GLASSES AND WEAR CONTACTS NOW NOW NOW NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW-

11.00 AM:
Suj: So I went to watch Avatar on Saturday and it was a preEHHHH YOU HAVE EYELINER!! *__* Now put LIPSTICK! X3
me: And then I'll be all dressed up with nowhere to go.

1.00 PM:
Salmah: *stare* Eee ya hor you got eyeliner I THOUGHT something was different about you today!
me: aaa
Su: HEY do you remember that Disney Channel movie about a square robot and finds a gf in outer space??

2.00 PM:
Az: Hey, you put on eyeliner! *wave* Uma c'mere, JV's wearing eyeliner! Doesn't it suit her! X3
Uma: o__o Uwehh, she is! Ooh. Now I have to wave someone else to come and look. *wave* Hey Pam, JV's wearing eyeliner!
(I figure at the rate this is going my ex-boss would pop in through the door and say "so I heard JV is wearing eyeliner!")

3.30 PM:
Pearl: WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYELINER, WOMAN?
me: I dunno, I woke up from my nap and it was gone! @@ (and it was! I didn't even touch water!)
Everybody: ROFLMAO
Maridah: Isn't your eyeliner waterproof or long lasting??
Fiza: You don't understand - JV needs HANDPROOF eyeliner.
(It's scary that they notice how often I rub my eyes actually.)

4.00 PM:
Theresa: *stops in front of me* 83 So I heard you put on eyeliner~
me: Yeah, but it's gone now.
Theresa: YOU PUT IT ON FOR TOMORROW'S CHRISTMAS PARTY NOW YOU HEAR.
Az: And some lipstick!
Suj: And that blue wig! Wear that to work! X3
me: uh I have to do microbio tomor-
Theresa: Yeah, that blue wig on your facebook profile! Do you have a red wig? It'd be REALLY christmassy! 8D
(BTW Mintos, they ALL love that blue wig.)

5.00 PM:
Pearl: You will PUT that PENCIL in your BAG to TOUCH UP your EYELINER you HEAR me or I will BRING my eyeliner to put on YOU.


If any of you get epic responses from their colleagues about eyeliner, do share.
dmjewelle: (awesome)
Clinical history on patient's request form: Pneumonia
Me: ...As opposed to oldmonia?

Oh dreams

Nov. 28th, 2008 09:26 pm
dmjewelle: (persona3)
...Make that 12-hour shifts.

So last night was a blur but the only thing to note was that I was trapped in a room with James Bond (Daniel Craig ver.) who then said he had problems titling his poem since it flirted with both happy and dark themes and he asks "what about petunias and...pekosias?" and I'm like OK but WHAT IS A PEKOSIA AND WHY IS A DARK THEME I DON'T KNOW and he's about to start on his poem and then I wake up.

Oh dreams

Nov. 27th, 2008 08:08 pm
dmjewelle: (persona3)
Last night I dreamt I was driving my car and up ahead was an accident but not just any accident because there were bodies on the road and they were BLOODY bodies and I was going oh noes why isn't anyone clearing them off the middle OF THE ROAD and so I drove slowly and inched to the next lane but then I WAS BLOCKED by another car so I had to RUN OVER THE BODY and I THINK the guy was still alive because someone was telling me look I think he's still breathing but I CAN'T STOP THE CAR and then I RAN OVER THE GUY AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and that was how everyone was screaming AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU KILLED HIM YOU MURDERER and then I went OH SHI and the body was now 80x bloodier because the man wore a white tshirt but it's NOT WHITE ANYMORE and I had to continue driving and up ahead was ANOTHER accident and there was a guy with a green tshirt lying on the road and this guy was definitely dead because he was bloody and slightly dismembered but moreso because while this time I stopped by the roadside I couldn't pull his body over because SOMEBODY ELSE drove past and KNOCKED HIS HEAD CLEAR OFF WITH THEIR TIRES and the head rolled off to the side of the road and *I* screamed AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OMG YOU KNOCKED HIS HEAD OFF FUCKER RESPECT FOR DEAD PEOPLE DO YOU HAVE IT and then there was this guy who tried to keep touching me inappropriately and I was grabbing everything in sight and bashing his head in and there were injuries but dreams have no physical feeling so I kept hitting him and he was dead from all the head injuries BUT WHY CAN'T I FEEL THE CONTACT and it was so frustrating I woke up at 6 AM and went back to bed!

Then I woke up and went to work and found I have to work 10-hour solo microbiology shifts up to Sunday. Fun!

*wants more Fenkunesque dreams*

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